According to reports, a self-proclaimed atheist was caught hesitating to “put it on God.”
The incident reportedly took place last Thursday when area man Nigel Stills-Berth claimed he once kick-flipped over six stairs, but hesitated when challenged by his friend to “put it on God.” “Nigel always saying he don’t believe in God, but you can tell he’s just embarrassed to admit he thinks there’s a gray dude up in the clouds,” said the friend.
According to another friend, Stills-Berth reportedly backpedaled on his claim, saying, “it might have been a five-stair.” And after a little more pressing from his friends to put it on God, he went on to say it may have been just four stairs. “I would have put it on God, but it’s not that deep,” Stills-Berth said. “It was still a sick kick-flip though.”
Stills-Berth’s friends pointed out that while he has had no problems “putting it on his little brother”, this is the first time he has failed to back up his claims with God. But according to one friend, Sajiv Shat, this may be because he doesn’t like his brother all that much. “I put crazy lies on my little sister all the time,” said Shat. “That don’t mean shit.”
During press time, Stills-Berth was overheard putting it on his Grandpa on his mom’s side, who he “couldn’t care less about.”
Published in the Sep. 2024 edition of The Every Three Weekly
Dan Gutenberg 