For the tenth year in a row, blueberry pie scratch-and-sniff stickers trail behind freshly baked blueberry pies as the best way to smell blueberry pie.
The annual polling revealed the top three ways to smell fresh blueberry pie. For a decade now, the podium has remained unchanged: blueberry pie, blueberry pie scratch-and-sniff stickers, and blueberry muffins in third place, because, according to one respondent, muffins “smell kinda like pie.”
The results were reportedly “unsurprising” to many, and several respondents have raised concerns about why this research is being funded. “How could this research question be a priority?” asked one respondent, Gordon West-Virginia. “Shouldn’t we be polling the public about the upcoming election?”
The results have reportedly had “no effect” on the scratch-and-sniff sticker industry. “We have seen no improvement in sales since the publication of these results,” said Shawn Templeton, CEO of Smelly Stickers Inc. “Some people have accused us of secretly funding this research, but we only ranked second. We’ve spent years trying to perfect our scents, and I’ll admit it, there’s just no beating the smell of an actual blueberry pie.”
At press time, 4D movie screenings featuring scenes with blueberry pie came in fourth place, for the tenth year in a row.
Published in the April 2024 edition of The Every Three Weekly
Dan Gutenberg 