Confused area man Alistair Samoa reportedly refused to wear a name tag as he cracked open a beer at his first AA meeting this past weekend.
Bringing up concerns about “that so-called anonymity,” Samoa reportedly protested the name tags for the entirety of his first meeting. “Why do I have to tell you all my name?” Samoa said. “I thought that was the whole point—just a bunch of strangers sharing a beer together.”
Program director Marshall Morrow reportedly tried to allay Samoa’s expectations, explaining that anonymity and sobriety are the two core tenets of the program. “I told him that his story would never leave the room,” said Morrow. “The name tags simply allow us to get to know one another more personally so that we can better support everyone’s journey to sobriety.”
According to several first-hand accounts, Samoa became combative and aggressive after hearing Morrow’s suggestion that he abused alcohol. One chapter member reported seeing Samoa shadowboxing before “drunkenly proposing a toast” to the group. “He brought enough beers for the group and jeopardized everyone’s sobriety,” said an anonymous AA member Lola Green.
“They need to work on their marketing,” said Samoa. “I thought being an alcoholic was the same as being a bibliophile or cinephile.”
At press time, a dozen beers deep, Samoa accepted that he had a drinking problem and is currently on step 2 of 12 toward recovery.
Published in the Jan. 2023 edition of The Every Three Weekly
Dan Gutenberg 